Recently, with all the panic attacks, hormonal imbalances and all of that I decided that I need to change, Again! Change this time in a way that nothing is the same and all of my life is upside down until I clear out the negative energy. My change would start the time of morning I rose from bed. When my first alarm went off at 4:45am, I would get up out the bed and stay, until nap time or even time to retire for the night. This has been my habit for more that 14 days now and I can honestly say, I am in love with the peace I have found. Case in point, this morning after my alarm went off I figured, I do morning meditation, release my bowels and then return to bed, it’s Friday, I had nothing to do for real before 10am, I’ve not been off on a Friday in “I don’t know”, so why not return to bed. Well, after the morning I’ve had, no creamer for my coffee, no coconut milk no make creamer, no eggs, burnt my pancake, no water in the filter pitcher, My mum is not in the best mood, because she got 5,100 questions for me and normally she’s got a hey how are you doing? and My Sun being out of school today…All of that Almost, phucked up my life. But, I remembered that it’s all apart of the process. I am not going to let other people ruin my day because they have no way of handling the negative energy in their lives. So, I missed that three hour period where no one wanted to talk to me, or the part where no one disrespected the fact that your eyes being closed meant that you were sleep. I really missed all of that and It is just 10am. My point is, make sure you take time out for you. Make sure at some point in your day, you set aside a time for you to just be with you. My time is mornings and am I disappointed the I didn’t take that time this morning. My Peace in the morning is everything to me, Everything!
Often, I awake so early that it is still night out yet, so late that others in my world are just lying down to rest. I am 26 days into my 40th cycle around the sun and let me just say, it has been different and interesting to day the least. My Hormones have been high and low, gauging where and things are going has been nonexistent.
I am in a Fight and yet my Adversary is unseen.
So, who am I fighting? That has been the question…the question for the past three weeks or so. At, first the fight was with my co-workers; I called everyone on the carpet including myself. Only to find, all of my grievances, chucked off to the side as “oh maybe is just a simple issue of miscommunication. Question: How can 6 people all have the same miscommunication issue? I digress. Then, I fought with my fellow peers in my career genre, not really a fight more like a series of Power Puff Girl, “KaPOW, Zaam, POOF’s” You know, the moment when you see where you are truly going, how it has been designed for you to get there and yet, your peers think that hinders you my exclusion. Only to wake up a year from now realizing that were actually the footstools that coined the phrase, “POOF, and just like that all the Fucks I gave were GONE!”
Then I woke up this morning to find that all this time the fight has been with myself. The Dark side, the Shadow I hid from for most of my life, the side that says: “You couldn’t be me, if you needed too.” That side the side that knows the Most High walks with us daily and we sit in Their Presence daily. We are there expression of love in the living word.
So, why hide this shadow self?
Why cover the better part of who you are?
Why shield the world from this you?
I’ll tell you why, this Shadow side used to scare me, but I am not afraid anymore. I know that there is life and death and after death there is life again and for years that frightening me. the uncertainty of being clueless as to the next steps in life, the formidable unknown. The living blindly as having no Concept of time. Yes, I have full awareness of time, and I have no intention of allowing anyone else nor anything else hinder my collection of love while I am existing within time.
Concept of Time makes all the difference, I realized that before 40, most of live without thinking of our decisions, placing us in season of regret, depression and temporary elation. But what if you lived with a concept of Time on a daily basis? Lived in the presence of G-d on a daily basis? How different will your life be? How on purpose would your actions, behavior become? I can’t remember when I became so afraid of who I was born to be, but I do know that I have been operating in a season of fear for way to long and for that I apologize to the people who have been Cheering for me and the people who have been secretly plotting my demise. I have been sent you let you know that your works of iniquity and dealings in Dark Magic that you do no understand are Officially out of TIME.