Happy Earthday to ME!

Today I am 40 years and 30 days old, and although Society says that I am old, close to a mid life crisis, I feel like a little human anxious to go outside. Last Night, I took some hits, that I wasn’t expecting but I did receive the message from the universe loud and clear. I am hurt, but I refuse to sit down, I refuse to retreat, I refuse to be a victim or villain. I AM…just as the Great I AM!

We are the makers and the creators of our Life, and I know sometimes I feel a serious disconnect from most people, Hoping to be included all of my life only to be reminded that I am and has always been on the outside of things. It’s not a bad thing to be on the outside it just means that you vibrate on a different frequency than most. I often wondered what I did to deserve this or how can I change it to be included, but after last night I understand, I may never be included and that’s just life.

Every year, we have this huge Football Classic between two HBCU in the state, people come literally from all over the country to this football game. The Mayor throws a party that’s invite only, so, I made a few calls to friends and associates two weeks ago, inquiring if they had received an invite and if so could I tag along.( NOTE: I am not a club person, I’m the Art Gallery, Book Reading, Author Lecture, Ballet going, maintain my frequency type individual.) This event happens at the Local Museum of Arts, and includes a special guest artist as the entertainment. Well, after a week passed, and no calls I decided to give them a few more days, after still no calls, on Tuesday I picked up the phone did follow up’s. No one had received an invite and every one was “sorry” for not getting back to me. “Lying Bastards” I thought to myself. I was disappointed but what could they do?! The event was invite only. So, last night as I settled into my late night Friday routine, finished some articles, then whipped out my new camera, as I was flipping back and forth through the manual, I noticed the message indicator on my phone flashing? Strange for a Friday Night, I didn’t check because It was emails…well to my surprise about 30 minutes later that light was still going off and the camera was really getting to me senses. I put the camera down pick up my phone and saw emails and one alert from Facebook. No biggie, I swiped for the emails then noticed that Facebook was telling me I had one event for 10/31, why? They send those the morning of the events not the night before, it was the universe sending me a message. I hit the post and noticed my newsfeed was full of pictures and post from the Mayor’s Soiree, did I mention I strolled through the pictures posted and who do I see? Friends, acquaintances’, all who said “No, I didn’t receive an invite, no I couldn’t find anything out for you” Wow, lying Bastards you! :-/

I laughed then realized, I was supposed to see all of that, I was supposed to find out all of that, I was supposed get a glimpse into those I’d been dealing with. Years upon years these people have been my circle, my go to, my beginning to my end, and this is how they treat me. Now, maybe the universe didn’t want me at the event because I really needed to rest. Gather myself from the chaos of the past few months. Maybe, I just wasn’t supposed to be at that event. But what a kick in the head to see them there it was, I am grateful though, Grateful that I am able to see with a clear heart and mind that this is what it is and only I can change it. Happy Earthday to Me!

I am Grateful!

Full of Gratitude for being alive

Grateful for the pain in my left hand even as I type

I am grateful for the chill in the air that requires me to wrap up in my favorite blanket,

I am grateful for the opportunity to see my Sun Again,

I am grateful for the physically abusive relationship those 15 years ago that taught me to love myself unconditionally,

I am grateful for the emotional and spiritually abusive relationships they I let go of last night,

I am grateful for the struggle,

I am grateful for what pain has taught me,

I am grateful for being alone,

I am grateful being a dreamer,

I am grateful for discovering that in this journey we all have a story and I will tell my with no-blinders, and with no false evidence appearing real!

Happy 40th Cycle around the SUN to me!

ONE LOVE

Peace in the Morning

Recently, with all the panic attacks, hormonal imbalances and all of that I decided that I need to change, Again! Change this time in a way that nothing is the same and all of my life is upside down until I clear out the negative energy. My change would start the time of morning I rose from bed. When my first alarm went off at 4:45am, I would get up out the bed and stay, until nap time or even time to retire for the night. This has been my habit for more that 14 days now and I can honestly say, I am in love with the peace I have found. Case in point, this morning after my alarm went off I figured, I do morning meditation, release my bowels and then return to bed, it’s Friday, I had nothing to do for real before 10am, I’ve not been off on a Friday in “I don’t know”, so why not return to bed. Well, after the morning I’ve had, no creamer for my coffee, no coconut milk no make creamer, no eggs, burnt my pancake, no water in the filter pitcher, My mum is not in the best mood, because she got 5,100 questions for me and normally she’s got a hey how are you doing? and My Sun being out of school today…All of that  Almost, phucked up my life. But, I remembered that it’s all apart of the process. I am not going to let other people ruin my day because they have no way of handling the negative energy in their lives. So, I missed that three hour period where no one wanted to talk to me, or the part where no one disrespected the fact that your eyes being closed meant that you were sleep. I really missed all of that and It is just 10am. My point is, make sure you take time out for you. Make sure at some point in your day, you set aside a time for you to just be with you. My time is mornings and am I disappointed the I didn’t take that time this morning.  My Peace in the morning is everything to me, Everything!