How many times will you stick me?! #30daywriterschallenge

I had every intention of posting earlier this morning. I started my day with some Meditation, then some more meditation with the Chopra & Oprah Meditation Challenge, check it out if you can it’s Free and always life changing. A real Habit breaker, am I the only one that see those two names are spelled with the same letters. (watch the synchronicity) After the set aside morning time, I realized I had less than an Hour to get the BOY to school and myself to my first appointment for the day. My primary care Doctor is pretty cool, He listens and that is more than I can say for most of my Doctors and their behavior. Well, after listening to my doc tell me what I NEED to continue changing and what I have done so exceptionally. I was sent to the lab for testing. I recently figured it out, that It’s not the Doctors and Hospitals that I hate, it’s the rolling veins in my arms that won’t allow for one stick…the left arm, they always go for the left arm. WHY?! Do they go for the left arm, dammit, I knew she would get nothing from that arm. “Lift your right arm,” she said. Yes, the right arm, go for that arm, that’s the arm that flows like a beauty. But wait, can you not do that, that the moving the needle around in the there, there inside my arm….wait, what are you doing? Why are you taking that out, NO, don’t do that dammit. Again, you bout to stick me again, What the Freezer! Great, you got the blood, Finally!

The Socialies of Social Media…#30writingchallenge

Happy November 1, yes it is November, that cleansing season. the time of the year when you release everything that no longer serves and finds ways to heal who you are and choose to become a better person, internally! So, let’s start with me…normally, I don’t accept writing challenges and seeing how I write daily, adding an additional 1000 words or so to my day is not much. So, I am doing new things, weird to write it out. I am such a stickler with what works but what works hasn’t been working, so, CHANGE! is always the answer.

Yesterday, I realized I’d not spoken to a good friend in about three weeks, I will say, I am not the sit on the phone for hours at a time friend, but she and I usually text or use some form of communication to check in and touch bases. SO, I started to wonder, although, seeing her on FB and INstagram, I could see that she was doing fine through the post but sometimes that can be all the way deceiving.  yes, her face had a smile and her clothes looked put together but what I couldn’t see, was that she was going through a crisis. I couldn’t see that she wasn’t in the best of moods, I couldn’t see that her relationship had plummetted, I couldn’t see that her son had begun to work all the nerves she had left. But, I felt it, I felt that something wasn’t right because I missed her energy. Which leads me to the subject at hand, Social media can and has been so deceiving even with myself, I hear people say to me all the time I see everything is good with you through your FB page. Really, damn, you could send me a DM or something, pick up the phone and call seeing how I have had the same two phone numbers for the past ten or more years. Lies, I tell you lies, people can see anything through social media except what you want them to see. Could you see that I was in a car accident a few months before my Earthday? Could you see that I was in a neck and back brace for three weeks, could you see that I was having panic attacks and Vertigo and all types of bad shyt that are not ever supposed to happen to artist, HELL, we are crazy enough without the hormonal imbalance and the serious uncertainty that pain meds and antibiotics can have on the body, GEESH!

Could you see all of that through my FB post, because if you saw all of that, why didn’t you call, send a message, comment on the post. Because, you couldn’t see all of that, social media, allows us to feed you just enough information to think that our situation is more than it is, when it is not. See my friend looked happy in the post, the pictures, but she wasn’t/isn’t, she is battling internally the next chapter of her life and it is taking a toll on her spiritually. But How would I have known that if I just went my what the social media website look like?

It’s almost like what happens when a video goes viral, socially and the major networks pick it up and tries to break it down into something that it’s not or worse more than it is. Social media, is exactly what most people were taught not to do, Don’t judge a book by it’s cover. although, we know that we shouldn’t we do anyway. We look at the newsfeeds and timeline and take it completely at face value without using our common sense to figure out what is really going on. My main issue is when you know the person, personally, you had a relationship with the person at some point in time in your life, but you won’t send a message to say “how’s everything” what does that really say about you as a person, you as someone that said at some point in your life you were that person’s friend?

Social Media is a distortion as well as an avenue for you to become a vehicle of jealousy and pettiness. It’s the high school reunion for adults that lack a social life, it the platform for the cool kid that wasn’t so cool in high school, it’s a barrage of “I got mine, you get yours,” but no one seems to be helping anyone, we all are just apart of the universal plot “to keep up with the Jones!” Phuck the Jones, who are they anyway, I wish you could see the people I know on social media really doing, the people who have no car note, no credit card debt, no mortgage payments, taking international trips…those are the people I enjoy following on social media, those are the attributes, I desire to have.

The next time you see a friend on social media, or someone you care about for that matter, don’t take a post at face value especially when you know better of them, seek understanding or better just say HELLO.

Better yet, what happens when Social Media tells you the relationship you had with a friend is not that relationship, do you believe Social media?!

Just a question.

Happy Earthday to ME!

Today I am 40 years and 30 days old, and although Society says that I am old, close to a mid life crisis, I feel like a little human anxious to go outside. Last Night, I took some hits, that I wasn’t expecting but I did receive the message from the universe loud and clear. I am hurt, but I refuse to sit down, I refuse to retreat, I refuse to be a victim or villain. I AM…just as the Great I AM!

We are the makers and the creators of our Life, and I know sometimes I feel a serious disconnect from most people, Hoping to be included all of my life only to be reminded that I am and has always been on the outside of things. It’s not a bad thing to be on the outside it just means that you vibrate on a different frequency than most. I often wondered what I did to deserve this or how can I change it to be included, but after last night I understand, I may never be included and that’s just life.

Every year, we have this huge Football Classic between two HBCU in the state, people come literally from all over the country to this football game. The Mayor throws a party that’s invite only, so, I made a few calls to friends and associates two weeks ago, inquiring if they had received an invite and if so could I tag along.( NOTE: I am not a club person, I’m the Art Gallery, Book Reading, Author Lecture, Ballet going, maintain my frequency type individual.) This event happens at the Local Museum of Arts, and includes a special guest artist as the entertainment. Well, after a week passed, and no calls I decided to give them a few more days, after still no calls, on Tuesday I picked up the phone did follow up’s. No one had received an invite and every one was “sorry” for not getting back to me. “Lying Bastards” I thought to myself. I was disappointed but what could they do?! The event was invite only. So, last night as I settled into my late night Friday routine, finished some articles, then whipped out my new camera, as I was flipping back and forth through the manual, I noticed the message indicator on my phone flashing? Strange for a Friday Night, I didn’t check because It was emails…well to my surprise about 30 minutes later that light was still going off and the camera was really getting to me senses. I put the camera down pick up my phone and saw emails and one alert from Facebook. No biggie, I swiped for the emails then noticed that Facebook was telling me I had one event for 10/31, why? They send those the morning of the events not the night before, it was the universe sending me a message. I hit the post and noticed my newsfeed was full of pictures and post from the Mayor’s Soiree, did I mention I strolled through the pictures posted and who do I see? Friends, acquaintances’, all who said “No, I didn’t receive an invite, no I couldn’t find anything out for you” Wow, lying Bastards you! :-/

I laughed then realized, I was supposed to see all of that, I was supposed to find out all of that, I was supposed get a glimpse into those I’d been dealing with. Years upon years these people have been my circle, my go to, my beginning to my end, and this is how they treat me. Now, maybe the universe didn’t want me at the event because I really needed to rest. Gather myself from the chaos of the past few months. Maybe, I just wasn’t supposed to be at that event. But what a kick in the head to see them there it was, I am grateful though, Grateful that I am able to see with a clear heart and mind that this is what it is and only I can change it. Happy Earthday to Me!

I am Grateful!

Full of Gratitude for being alive

Grateful for the pain in my left hand even as I type

I am grateful for the chill in the air that requires me to wrap up in my favorite blanket,

I am grateful for the opportunity to see my Sun Again,

I am grateful for the physically abusive relationship those 15 years ago that taught me to love myself unconditionally,

I am grateful for the emotional and spiritually abusive relationships they I let go of last night,

I am grateful for the struggle,

I am grateful for what pain has taught me,

I am grateful for being alone,

I am grateful being a dreamer,

I am grateful for discovering that in this journey we all have a story and I will tell my with no-blinders, and with no false evidence appearing real!

Happy 40th Cycle around the SUN to me!


Peace in the Morning

Recently, with all the panic attacks, hormonal imbalances and all of that I decided that I need to change, Again! Change this time in a way that nothing is the same and all of my life is upside down until I clear out the negative energy. My change would start the time of morning I rose from bed. When my first alarm went off at 4:45am, I would get up out the bed and stay, until nap time or even time to retire for the night. This has been my habit for more that 14 days now and I can honestly say, I am in love with the peace I have found. Case in point, this morning after my alarm went off I figured, I do morning meditation, release my bowels and then return to bed, it’s Friday, I had nothing to do for real before 10am, I’ve not been off on a Friday in “I don’t know”, so why not return to bed. Well, after the morning I’ve had, no creamer for my coffee, no coconut milk no make creamer, no eggs, burnt my pancake, no water in the filter pitcher, My mum is not in the best mood, because she got 5,100 questions for me and normally she’s got a hey how are you doing? and My Sun being out of school today…All of that  Almost, phucked up my life. But, I remembered that it’s all apart of the process. I am not going to let other people ruin my day because they have no way of handling the negative energy in their lives. So, I missed that three hour period where no one wanted to talk to me, or the part where no one disrespected the fact that your eyes being closed meant that you were sleep. I really missed all of that and It is just 10am. My point is, make sure you take time out for you. Make sure at some point in your day, you set aside a time for you to just be with you. My time is mornings and am I disappointed the I didn’t take that time this morning.  My Peace in the morning is everything to me, Everything!

The Morning Download

Often, I awake so early that it is still night out yet, so late that others in my world are just lying down to rest. I am 26 days into my 40th cycle around the sun and let me just say, it has been different and interesting to day the least. My Hormones have been high and low, gauging where and things are going has been nonexistent.

I am in a Fight and yet my Adversary is unseen.

So, who am I fighting? That has been the question…the question for the past three weeks or so. At, first the fight was with my co-workers; I called everyone on the carpet including myself. Only to find, all of my grievances, chucked off to the side as “oh maybe is just a simple issue of miscommunication. Question: How can 6 people all have the same miscommunication issue? I digress. Then, I fought with my fellow peers in my career genre, not really a fight more like a series of Power Puff Girl, “KaPOW, Zaam, POOF’s” You know, the moment when you see where you are truly going, how it has been designed for you to get there and yet, your peers think that hinders you my exclusion. Only to wake up a year from now realizing that were actually the footstools that coined the phrase, “POOF, and just like that all the Fucks I gave were GONE!”

Then I woke up this morning to find that all this time the fight has been with myself. The Dark side, the Shadow I hid from for most of my life, the side that says: “You couldn’t be me, if you needed too.” That side the side that knows the Most High walks with us daily and we sit in Their Presence daily. We are there expression of love in the living word.

So, why hide this shadow self?

Why cover the better part of who you are?

Why shield the world from this you?

I’ll tell you why, this Shadow side used to scare me, but I am not afraid anymore. I know that there is life and death and after death there is life again and for years that frightening me. the uncertainty of being clueless as to the next steps in life, the formidable unknown. The living blindly as having no Concept of time. Yes, I have full awareness of time, and I have no intention of allowing anyone else nor anything else hinder my collection of love while I am existing within time.

Concept of Time makes all the difference, I realized that before 40, most of live without thinking of our decisions, placing us in season of regret, depression and temporary elation. But what if you lived with a concept of Time on a daily basis? Lived in the presence of G-d on a daily basis? How different will your life be? How on purpose would your actions, behavior become? I can’t remember when I became so afraid of who I was born to be, but I do know that I have been operating in a season of fear for way to long and for that I apologize to the people who have been Cheering for me and the people who have been secretly plotting my demise. I have been sent you let you know that your works of iniquity and dealings in Dark Magic that you do no understand are Officially out of TIME.

9 Years Later!

Last night a DJ saved my life. Literally, my DJ the Most High granted me with the presence of Magic.

The Floetry Reunion Tour stopped off in Birmingham last night, gifting this beautiful Soul and others with Fairy Dust, Words from the Ancestors and just out right Glamour Street Essence. With a diverse crowd anxiously waiting for the Dynamic Duo to take the stage I notice just how much I’d missed the energy of a Sisterhood. From Mothers and daughters, Girlfriend/boyfriend, pairs and couples were everywhere. All excited to witness the comeback. So as they took the stage with replaying song after song, interchanging back and forth, left side to the right side, occasionally dapping each other up, making sure to grab hold of the out stretched hands down front, their energy was overwhelming.  I realized my spirit as well as so many others missed this collaboration. Missed the presence of understanding, growth, individuality and Love. They love each other as people, of course, but I saw love of artistry. It has been 9 years since they were together on stage and it seemed as if they’d never been apart, However, what I did notice was Growth, growth of two women who started out as kids it seem and through struggles, life hiccups and challenges found the God within and Loved her; They Loved her fiercely. This love is something that women encounter along our journey as we understand who God as chosen us to be. It is an understanding of SELF. the opportunity to grab hold to our place, our time, our moment, I stood in the sea of spirits and watched Natalie invoke the ancestors on our behalf’s as Marsha called out to the Wolves within to remember our worth. They are known as the Floacist and the Songstress, they will be in on tour for the rest of the Summer. If you find they are in your city or within a driving distance make it a GIRLS NIGHT OUT or Just a Need to be Inspired! Just go and be feed, because there is one thing for sure, the person you go in as will be totally different from the person who leaves….

Last Night a DJ saved my Life!